SIMPLY MATTERING

I noticed my co-worker quickly walking toward my desk. Something was off. Normally, her hunched shoulders and downward gaze gave away the exhaustion and frustration she was feeling with her job. Now she was floating as she walked with confidence and a relaxed happy smile radiated from her face. I looked up with confusion and curiosity. She began to relate a conversation she had with her department’s top executive. “I was told what a great job I did going above and beyond in helping a customer create a meaningful obituary about their father. On top of that, I was given the feedback that I have a natural gift of making customers and co-workers feel seen and understood. I was told that I am important to our department and the culture that the top-level executives are working to create.” After two years of working tirelessly and never getting feedback of any value, in one day she was renewed with energized engagement. “I know, we’ll see,” she said, “but knowing that what I do really makes a significant impact at this newspaper makes my job seem so much more worthwhile.” 

This happened two decades ago and was the first time I witnessed the importance of what it means to matter. Mattering is feeling appreciated and important in other people’s lives. It is rooted in knowing we add value to others. It is achieved by being appreciated by people around us and increasing value to those people. (Prilleltensky, 2001).

There is a simplicity to mattering. It is one person sharing with another. It occurs in moments and in small interactions. It may be a small conversation during a day or a smile as you walk by another person, but it can have a profound effect on the person who is receiving that communication. I believe this simple sense of mattering is very important in our world today. Each of us needs to believe our lives have value and it is not just something we feel, this message comes from our interactions with others.

The fact that we should be demonstrating to others that they are seen, heard, and needed seems so simple and obvious. However, the act of sharing what we notice many times gets overlooked and underappreciated in our busy world.  Now that social media is used for a large portion of our messaging, and we have stepped away from one-on-one personal contact, the ability to pass along these messages has become underdeveloped. I have seen the results in the lack of mattering in work environments, in my work with clients from many backgrounds, and as a growing issue in Gen Z. It is important that everyone understands the importance of and ways that they can amplify mattering to those in their lives.

In his book The Power of Mattering, Zach Mercurio, explains that to matter to others is a basic human need encoded in our DNA. At birth, we have the need to matter to another through reflexes that secure our first caring relationship and then this need continues. He also notes that belonging is not the same as mattering. We belong when we feel welcomed, accepted, and approved of by a group. Mattering is when we feel significant to the group by being seen, heard, valued, and needed. Many companies have put together group classes and wellness programs to help employees feel like they belong. These provide information and learning to employees but may not dive into the power of really hearing and appreciating their employees.

 When we receive messages, such as being talked over in a conversation, not given acknowledgement at work, or not being included in a text message or social media post, it can instigate those feelings of not mattering. In the workplace this can lead to disengagement, absenteeism, loneliness, low self-esteem, and even depression (Mercurio, 2025). Work statistics have shown this. A 2022 Massachusetts Institute of Technology lecturer and his team analyzed data from 1.4 million people who quit their jobs from spring to fall in 2021. They noted that it was 10 times more predictive that employees left because of a culture where they felt excluded, disregarded, and unvalued than leaving for compensation. The Gallop poll in 2025 found that employees are more disengage than ever before. (Mercurio, 2025)

The workplace has seen an eroding of mattering and many are also noting that Gen Z is feeling this too. Jennifer Breheny Wallace just released a new book Mattering the Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. She notes that many in Gen Z are feeling the external pressures of achievement and not feeling a deep sense of purpose and connection once felt by older generations. A theory noted is that Gen Z does not have those daily touch points of mattering that older generations had. In the past, people knew their neighbors and they each relied on each other. People worked at jobs for a long time and relied on their workplace and the workplace relied on the employees. These social contracts don’t exist as much anymore, and tech has taken its place. This has not given those in Gen Z as much “friction” to feel their impact and purpose within their lives.

There is hope in increasing the simple act of mattering. We can show others that they make an impact in this world. These three practices laid out by Mercurio provide a path that leaders and everyone can add into their lives to lift people up and make them feel mattered.

·  Noticing: This helps people feel understood by seeing people and what is happening in their lives. Along with hearing what they are authentically saying.

·  Affirming: Knowing and naming people’s unique gifts and strengths that make a difference.

·  Needing: Letting people know they are relied on, indispensable, and essential.

When we recognize that every person has a desire to feel purpose, we can intentionally shape our relationships and environments to listen more deeply, to see one another more clearly, and to create spaces where people feel valued and significant. When we do, we not only strengthen connection, we provide a way to simply matter.

The Mattering Wheel in I. Prilleltensky and O. Prilleltensky, How People Matter, Why it Affects Health, Happiness, Love, Work, and Society (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge niversity Press, 2021)

Mercurio, Z. (2025). The power of mattering: How leaders can create a culture of significance. Harvard Business Review Press.

Wallace, J. B. (2026). Mattering: the secret to a life of deep connection and purpose. Portfolio/Penguin.

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