THE RITUALS OF SMALL SOLACE

Our world feels tense. And while I know this has been true throughout history, the current environment seems supercharged. If there has ever been a moment that felt more representative of the acronym VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity), it surely must be now.

If you find yourself seeking solace from the chaos, you are not alone. Desiring a place you can go, a person you can lean on, or some strategy or activity you can choose seems a natural reaction to our circumstances.

My take on finding solace is that it’s possible, and maybe it’s most important, to find it in the little things. Yes, big moments require big doses of solace. The loss of something or someone important to you, for example, may leave you needing a more significant level of relief. But when the madness comes in daily doses, a reciprocal dose of small solace is just what the doctor ordered.

Ritual

My wife and I often refer fondly to our daily routine together as “our little life together”. We come together at the end of the day to go through the motions of our evening. It’s not a rote going through the motions, however. It feels more like a calming ritual. It’s the most important and most enjoyable part of the day.

Even when work feels productive and collaborative, as it does for me most of the time, it still exists in the world “out there”. Our little life is separate from that world. And because it feels so apart from the outside stress, we fall into it willingly and luxuriously, following the evening pattern we have drawn for ourselves and taking care to honor the ease and familiarity of it all.

Presence

It would be easy enough to pass by moments of potential solace without noticing. For example, the very idea outlined above, one of predictable ritual, is set up perfectly to execute without thought; the stress of everyday life never dissipates after arriving home, and the day’s overload is carried into homelife where it manifests in new ways. Intention is an important part of what makes the remains of the day so special. Solace comes with noticing, being present with, and being grateful for.

This is a phenomenon I notice in the outside world as well. Living in the Western North Carolina mountains, sources of serenity are all around us, if you take the time to look. It’s there in the morning fog, the evening light in the fields, and an early Fall frost on a nearby peak.

Nourishment

It’s good advice to not take solace in food. But a healthy relationship to food allows for a different take. The selection of ingredients, preparation of food, and enjoyment of the resulting meal is a pathway to solace in our home.

The opportunity to buy healthy food is something I am grateful for every day. I know that it is something not everyone can do. And the fact that I am blessed enough to be able to select good, often local, ingredients is not something that is lost on me. And to prepare these ingredients with my own hands is a daily task that is a cherished part of the ritual mentioned above, as is sitting down to enjoy the meal we have created together.

The meal not only provides physical nourishment but is a daily offering of emotional solace as well. The food is the end-result of a catharsis achieved through chopping and stirring. And its consumption leaves traces of ease and joy on the soul.

Music

Another source of daily solace for me is music. And yes, one of the most important times of day for bringing the gift of music to life is in that evening ritual. It can provoke memories, invite curiosity and conversation, and provide immense and profound joy.

Having a melody in the room with us provides a sense of connection to the best part of humanity. The common language of music provides a vessel through which another human being can share their experiences of striving, love, struggle, and triumph. And in their stories, we see ourselves and are reminded that we are not alone. The struggles we experience are shared by others, and sometimes it feels extraordinary to let that wash over you. It is for me what explains the power of a sad song to simultaneously create feelings of anguish and pleasure.

Music is also a reminder that the nature of humans is, at our core, good. In a world where this goodness is undervalued and called weak by some and pushed aside in favor of greed or hatred by a few, the chance to remember that those people and those examples are exceptions and not the rule is so very important. For me, this reminder comes alive in a protest song, a love song, and any song that reaches across the boundaries of race, religion, gender identification, and lived experience to bring us together in a place of common understanding.

In these hectic and stressful times, I hope you too are able to take a moment for a daily dose of solace. Finding a bit of peace in some ritual of your own makes the world feel like a better place. It can be the difference between the overwhelm and frustration bringing you down and living a full and connected life. And after all, small solace takes only a moment, some intention, and an open heart.

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay