A RESONANT PATH TO WHOLENESS

What best represents wholeness for human beings?  The word suggests a feeling of completeness, of having reach some desired endpoint and leaving no stone unturned and no need unmet.

For some, the path to this place might be achieving your maximum potential, using all your gifts to achieve something great. For others the way there could be through connections, being one with the Earth and in harmony with those around you.  Or perhaps to be truly whole you have to leave something behind as your contribution to the circle of life, such as your work, your family, or your ideas.

While these might represent possible pathways toward wholeness, the entire idea of it being an endpoint seems to miss another important quality of being whole. Each of these possibilities rests on the belief that wholeness can be finished. Yet wholeness also implies impermanence. Yes, it can be resilient and lasting. But it is not static like a goal you reach and then look back on with the sense that you have mastered the art of fulfillment.

Instead, it seems that feeling whole is more like being nourished and satiated. It is something you can achieve, but that you also must continually seek again and again. It ebbs and flows as you strive, achieve, fall short, learn, and grow.

If it is true that wholeness is more about the journey than the destination, it seems logical to go looking for its sources in our experiences. That is how I arrived at the suggestion that it is through four key life experiences that we are most likely to feel whole. Those experiences are joy, pain, love and meaning.

JOY

When we experience joy, it hits differently. There are small moments of pleasure that come and go. Eating ice cream, coming into a cool room from the broiling heat, and receiving a gift are all examples of these little dopamine hits that make us smile. But joy feels bigger than simply being happy.

Joy is expansive, like an overwhelming wave of intense wellbeing. Awareness of what is good and beautiful around you strikes your heart strings and the feeling resonates throughout your body, leaving you content and grateful and uncontrollably smiling. And you likely want to let others know about this overwhelming cascade of positive emotions; therefore joy is very often shared.

Of course, joy can be fleeting, just like regular moments of pleasure. But it can also be a way of thinking and being in the world. By focusing intentionally on what you have in your life that is good and practicing gratitude, you open a gateway to feeling joy more often. Sometimes it’s all in the noticing what is right in front of you!

PAIN

Feeling emotional pain is a stark reality of being human. When you experience stressful events such as loss, disappointment, or rejection, the related emotions might include grief, anger, intense sorrow, guilt, or shame.

It’s important to acknowledge that some types and levels of emotional pain may necessitate seeking help through the support of family and friends or from a mental health professional. But it’s also notable that there is an upside to experiencing emotional pain.

Pain provides contrast in your life that helps you notice and better appreciate the good times. Pain offers texture and color that provides new perspectives and wisdom. And it creates a space for self-reflection, which is a catalyst for growth and ultimately can lead to feelings of gratitude.

LOVE

Love is deeply complex and includes the attachment and care you feel toward other people, animals, or other elements of the natural world. In an intimate relationship, you feel passion, affection, and as the relationship evolves, commitment. Familial love creates feelings of loyalty and deep caring. Universal love includes your feelings of goodwill and appreciation toward all living things.

Experiencing love impacts your overall wellbeing, increasing feelings of happiness, lowering stress levels, and even improving physical health. Among the positive emotions, love is unique for its ability to create connections to others. It increases your sense of belonging, makes you more empathetic, and shields you from loneliness and fear.

MEANING

Meaning is complex and multifaceted, making it difficult to define. Some tie it to spirituality, while others believe it’s achievable through our accomplishments here on Earth. Depending on your point of view, attaining meaning in your life could be connected to one or more of several different paths.

One path is finding purpose through working toward important personal goals. These goals can be related to work, like using your skills to serve others or create something beautiful. Goals might be related to family, such as raising your children to be responsible caring adults. Or perhaps your goals are deeply personal, like learning a new skill or mastering one you have honed for decades.

Another way to find meaning is through creating significance through contributions you make to the world beyond yourself. And the actions that lead to feelings of significance often have a positive impact beyond today or even your lifetime.

Lastly, meaning can be achieved through coherence, or living your life in a way that resonates with you. Your path in life is guided by your values and/or spiritual beliefs. Things “just fit”, and your direction feels profoundly your own.

Each of these potential facets of wholeness is connected to the others.  Achieving meaning leads to contentment, clarity, hope, and tranquility, in which you will find joy.  And while joy can be fleeting, it can be sustained by seeking it in something larger than yourself, where you are likely to find meaning.

Love is often expressed through acts of service, passion, and tenderness, which lead to joy and meaning. But love also leaves you susceptible to emotional pain such as vulnerability, jealousy, or heartbreak. And joy can be an antidote for pain.

It all connects. Four sources of meaning that are additive and reciprocal to one another, and that depend upon your taking some ongoing action. Wholeness doesn't appear at the point of completion of a journey and then remain contentedly at your side. It must be persistently sought by soaking up the best experiences life has to offer, again and again. 

Image credit: Photo by Lili Popper on Unsplash